The esk looked around her, slightly dazed. She took the time to see, to figure out where she was and what exactly happened. There was something in her mind that she could not grasp. The harder she tried to catch a hold of it, the more it seemed to float away.
Trees. Brown leaves. She looked up at the tree in front of her and realised how small she was. It looked dead. Its branches were empty of leaves and its trunk black, as if poisoned. An unknowable grief struck her chest and she stumbled, letting out a huff of breath. She shook her head, then looked around her once more, seeing black and brown everywhere. Silence made the place eerie, but to the esk, it felt like… something else.
The esk began to walk among the dead trees, feeling her heart palpitate against her ribcage. Sadness ripped at her heart the further she moved into the forest. Questions began to buzz in her mind. Where was she? Why was she here? What happened… before? No matter how hard she tried to think, she could not fathom why. It felt as if she had just been there, borne of the dead tree. But how was that possible? She looked down at herself, at her red paws, her creamy chest. There was something growing out of her. A red berry. She turned her head from side to side and saw flowers around her neck. Dwarf dogwood. She recognised them. Their presence set her mind at ease, but only just.
Orange pried her attention away from her thoughts this time. She paused and gazed at the healthy tree standing in front of her. There was nothing different about its size, but oh, how the cloud of leaves hanging from its branches affected her! It was a mixture of oranges, yellows and reds, and when they fell, mixing with those already fallen by its roots, it was a sight to behold. How long the esk admired it for, she neither knew nor care; she only knew that it helped her calm.
Suddenly, an orb of light appeared in front of the tree. Bewildered, she took a tentative step forward, then another, until she was almost stepping on brown, healthy roots. The closer she was to that light, the larger it grew. That was when she saw it, a mirage of some sort. She squinted past the light, hoping to get a better view. A magical charge emanated from the portal – portal? – that she felt deep within her soul.
The esk tilted her brown head inquisitively, then stepped through it, succumbing to the energy that drew her towards it. The crunch of dried leaves beneath her paws faded. Instead, when she next stepped, soft grass touched her skin.
Her dark eyes widened in surprise. The esk floundered where she stood, and before she knew it, she fell. She made herself stand, then shook her fur of grass. She had to pull herself together. Only then would she be able to find the answers she sought for.
It did not take long. The temperature was the same as where she came from, just cold enough for an autumnal forest to strive. Trees – big, healthy ones – were located at every corner. What once were green leaves gradually changed to orange. She watched the first one fall before pushing herself to move forward. At one point in time, the esk’s head tilted upwards and she saw glass structures enclosing the space. She paused, then looked around, feeling panic rise in her. Had she been tricked into entering this place? Was she trapped?
“It’s all right.”
For the second time since she had entered this place, she fell. That voice. Was that part of her inner thoughts?
There was warm laughter. “No, it’s me.”
She saw the ball of light first before an ivory head snaked itself from among the trees to rest in front of her. Leaves rustled as the giant esk moved. For all the commotion she was causing, she seemed a gentle one. Her eyes were bright and friendly, but there was something tired about them, too.
The small esk jumped to her feet. “Who are you?”
“My name has been lost for so long, I cannot remember. I am Nameless.”
It was only then that she realised that they were talking through their minds. Nameless had not a mouth, and neither did she. Yet, they understood each other perfectly.
“Nameless? Surely there must be a name for you.”
The large esk chuckled. “What’s your name, then?”
She opened her mouth to answer, only to realise that she did not know her name. She searched through the little memory that she had, but there was nothing.
“There, there. It’s all right. We have all the time in the world.”
She slowed her breathing, thought through it once more, then settled on, “Tintalle.” She did not know where the name came from, only that it sounded right. Perhaps it had meant something to her from Before.
“Tintalle, it is a pleasure to meet you.”
“And… it is mine as well,” Tintalle said shyly.
“It is your first time here,” the nameless esk commented. Tintalle nodded. “I welcome you to the Conservatory. It is a place where you and our esk family can reside in. A home. Therefore, do not be afraid. We are here for you, little one.”
Tintalle hummed thoughtfully, feeling emotional. “I’m glad.”
“Where did you come from? Where were you before you entered through the portal?”
Tintalle looked up at kind eyes. “I was… in a dead forest.”
The nameless esk shifted. “Tell me more,” said she, almost gravely.
“Everywhere I walked, the trees stood there, dead. There is not a single birdsong, not a single squirrel… no cats. Nothing. There was no one, except for silence itself.” Birds, squirrels, cats? It was as if the esk had managed to pull out whatever remained at the back of Tintalle’s mind. The unconscious thought of recalling had eased the tension inside her, and the words flowed more readily. “I woke up – I think I did, I’m not very sure – beside one of them, with no memory of why I was there. But when I continued through the forest, I found one tree that was as healthy as could be.” Her heart warmed with the reminder of it. “There was nothing particularly great about its size, only those leaves. They’re just like the ones we see here now.” Both esks looked up at the canopy above that was surrounding them with a protection of warmth.
“It sounds terrifying. But I am glad you feel better now.”
Tintalle searched the nameless esk’s face. “Do you have any idea what happened?”
The large esk sent her a patient, loving look. “Dear Tintalle, we esks are created through transformation. It happens when something living feels lost for a reason. You were in the midst of going missing, I should say, when the transformation hit you. I was once like you, but that was eons ago now.”
“Do you remember the days before that?”
“I do not.”
Tintalle searched her face, wondering if she was lying. Eons she had stayed as an esk, and yet she could not find out the reason why she had been lost. Would this apply to her as well? She did not like that possibility, but there was no use dwelling on it.
“What do I do now?”
“There are many things you can do. As long as you are happy with the decision you have made, that will be most wonderful.”
“Oh. Will I have the power to save the forest? I wish to do that. I do not want to see dead trees ever again.”
“Anything is possible. I do know of esks who wish to see themselves as guardians of where they were transformed. There are also explorers, those who want to see the outside world. You can be anything you want to be.”
Tintalle thought deeply. She could stay in the forest and familiarise herself with it. The longer she stayed, the easier it would be for her to find out what exactly happened. And when she got her answers, perhaps then she would be able to understand what she was Before. After that, she would be able to leave the forest to explore the different places around the world. Yes, being the guardian of where she came from sounded appropriate. This would be her course of action first and foremost.
“I see you have reached a decision.”
“Yes, I have. Thank you… Arya.”
The large esk’s eyes widened. “Arya. What a nice name you have bestowed upon me.”
Tintalle laughed in delight, a sort of shyness still mixed in it. She felt safe, and the feeling was intoxicating. She hoped she would be able to regenerate the autumnal forest to the way it was before and make it possible for her to find a second home there. It was her origin, and she could not forget that. But for now, she wished to see what the Conservatory offered.
“Arya, could you please bring me around?”
“Yes, of course. Maybe you’ll be able to make some new friends, too.”
The thought sent nervousness sizzling through her, but there was also a longing for it, and so she nodded. And they left.
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